what does it matter?

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I keep wondering “what does it matter if…” people think I am a bad parent, overweight, tired, sloppy, lazy, weird, different, crazy, etc…

What does it matter? Why should it make a difference? The interesting part is depending on my attitude it can either help me or crush me.  There are few things I let truly bother me. If I am feeling stable, loved and my self esteem is okay I take things people say and use them to my advantage. I work harder to be better in that area. I look at my friends and do my best to emulate them and the qualities they possess.

However, on the flip side, if my self esteem is poor or I am having a bad day words hurt. I feel like I am not good enough. I wonder why people can’t see how hard I am working and trying. My reliance on Heavenly Father weakens.I compare weakness against strength.

There are a few items that I am working on personally. One is the response or feelings I have when someone finds out how many children I have. When asked if I gave birth to all of them, and I say no,  people act like I am somehow less of a parent. drives. me. crazy! people fail to consider (in a split second) how difficult it can be to parent children of trauma. Of course, how could they know? It is just conversation and an attempt to connect. Wish I could think of it like that in the moment.

So what does it matter? I really should only be focused on my eternal progression. I should be focused on my family’s needs. I shouldn’t be worried about what other’s are thinking about me or my family. It is important to remember that we all walk a different path.

We can’t possibly know what another person is dealing with when we are only seeing the surface. That is what most of us allow. We only allow people to see the surface. Not many people can handle knowing everything about you and your family and loving you anyway.

We are blessed with some AMAZING friends who listen and still love us and our children 100%. What a blessing to allow people to see the whole picture. The need to be seen, understood and valued despite our weakness and imperfections is huge. When people look beyond the surface and don’t judge you is a crucial element in not caring what strangers think.

I guess my question of “what does it matter if…?” has an answer of “it doesn’t”. My life and decisions are not decided on what you think and feel. I carefully follow my promptings and what I have learned to be my best. I will make countless mistakes. I will fail. I will succeed. I will  try repeatedly. I will never give up on doing my best each and every day.

My children may not always make the best choices or even good choices but, they are my children and I love them dearly. There choices in no way reflect on my parenting. I have taught them. I have tried my best but they have their agency (free choice, free will).  They get to choose too. I will always be with them to support them through their trials and triumphs!

So, I will continue to work on my self esteem. I will continue to work on my self so I can withstand the judgment I see in others. Remember, we have so much to learn from each other. This is not a competition. This is not a race. This is a place for us to learn and grow to our fullest potential. We do that by making true and meaningful connections.

So please know, when you confide in me you are not being judged. You are not being categorized. You are being loved, understood, strengthened and supported. Let’s be honest isn’t that what matters?