I have been reading posts from people about the whining mother’s day moms and the inadequate feeling women, the single women, the childless women. I have very strong feelings about Mother’s Day. I have my own blog so, I am going to write about my thoughts. 🙂
- First, I have been blessed by having a mom. I am obviously here so that should go without saying. 😉 I love my mom, a lot. My mom made mistakes, she wasn’t perfect (gasp!). She didn’t travel with us. She even spanked, on rare occasion. But, you know what? I love her. She did a great job! Have I always agreed with her? No. Have I always liked her? No. But, I have always respected her and her role as my mother.
- Second, I have given birth to children. I have also fostered and adopted many children. I have great respect for the institution of motherhood. I believe in its divinity. I believe it is one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs I have ever had. It is also a lot more than a mere “job”. You can’t quantify all that motherhood is or what it means.
- Third, I have friends unable to have children. I have friends who are unmarried. I understand how much of a reminder this day is of what they feel they are missing in their life. My particular friends desire greatly for the opportunity to be a mother. They don’t understand why they are on this path.
Now, this doesn’t qualify me as any expert. I am just choosing to add my opinion into the mix.
I am glad their are women who enjoy this beautiful holiday. I don’t begrudge them their joy. I am glad they have such a wonderful experience. My experience on this day is not usually that tender and nice.
You see my children are adopted through foster care. Sometimes, this day is a reminder that they are not with their birth mom. So guess who the anger falls on? That’s right, the mom they can see. It isn’t their fault. I don’t believe there is malicious intent to hurt me or make my day bad. It is just what happens. That is why this day makes me cringe. This day also does remind me that I am inadequate as a mom. I make millions of mistakes and wonder how my children could ever talk about me in such tender ways. It also helps me to realize what I need to do to change to become a better mom. However, this doesn’t help when I am sitting in my seat squirming because I made a mess of the morning already. This comes in reflection later.
How can we sit here though and argue about how people who can’t have children should feel? We would never suggest that someone who is mourning the loss of their baby(ies) to buck up and not put a damper on our celebration of mom’s, would we? The pain and the feelings are real. What we should focus on is how can we help all women to feel lifted up by the wonderful gift of being a woman. Our identity is not based on us being mother’s. It is on our natural desire and ability to be a nurturer. We have a natural ability to serve, to strengthen, uplift and support those around us and especially children.
We women are notoriously hard on ourselves. There are so many ways we influence, support, strengthen and encourage children. We don’t need to be a mother for that.
We also need to be very cautious on not judging other women’s feelings on this day. As hard as it is for “you” to hear that I don’t like this day, you must realize it is hard for me to hear how wonderful your day has been. However, I am happy for you too.
Might I suggest that focus on Mother’s Day change to what it was really intended to do? Focus on your mom. Focus on what she has done for you. Some Mothers may have passed away and that is hard in itself but, focus on how grateful we are to have had a mother. She may not be “practically, perfect in every way..” or in anyway but she did give you life. that is something to celebrate.
Try and find ways in which you are a positive influence on the children around you. If you aren’t but want to be, there are many organizations that you can join/volunteer that interact with children or babies. Contact the United Way for some ideas.
I am going to do my best to enjoy my day (well, as much as I enjoy any Sunday). If you know me, you know what I am talking about. 😉 I am thankful for the experiences I have and I am going to celebrate what I have rather than what I don’t.
I am going to strive to be the type of person that my children and friends will love and honor.
while I disagree about the “whining” part, I am going to make a conscious effort to treat this day like any other. I don’t need another day to celebrate being a mother. Every day should do that. Every day, I should celebrate who I am, my divine potential and my role in the life.
I am grateful for my life, it may not be perfect (it rarely is) but, it is mine.It is the life I agreed to live in the premortal existence. So, I am going to embrace the 2nd Sunday in May. I am going to love and honor myself, my mom and my wonderful friends who give me amazing examples. Try and do the same.