So, I was reviewing my week. It didn’t go as planned. Here is where I say…Oh well! Who cares that the week didn’t go the way I had planned. The world didn’t come to a crashing halt because the kids didn’t behave or because I made mistakes. What I am focusing on and learning is it is okay of things aren’t perfect. It is okay if my kids don’t do what I think they should. This is not a reflection on my parenting skills. It isn’t a reflection on me personally in any way. It is a reflection on them and their personalities. I take some pride when people say , “Oh your children are so well behaved.” I immediately think..well I am parenting well. What I have failed to realize is my children are behaving well (yes, because they have been taught to) because they want to. They realize they create more happiness and harmony within the family(and within themselves) when they obey the family rules. Obviously, parenting does play a part in them learning but, I continually put everything they do on me and I seem to forget they are not me. They are their own person. they have their own struggles, their own trials and I am here to guide them through those things not force them into the way I think they should be.
Now, onto my changing. The above paragraph was a big realization for a week. However. this is not what I have been working on. I realized this week that people take my silence as acceptance. Just because I don’t argue with you or disagree with you, doesn’t mean I agree. My silence is a way for me to process what I have been told. It is also a way for you to know you can tell me judgement free what you need to. It however does not mean, I accept everything you tell me.
I tend to open my mouth and blurt without thinking. I am always saying dumb things that I think are funny. Or things that make perfect sense to me (and no one else). I am trying really hard to think BEFORE I speak. So, I will often be quiet. (I think I have said I am a slow processor before, right?)
Anyway, just because i don’t express my political views or my opinion on gay marriage or a million other things, doesn’t mean I agree with what is going on or disagree. I am just not expressing my opinions in public forums just yet. I will eventually because i believe there will come a time when we all will need to take a stand against what we feel is wrong or right. However, i am just not quite there. Trust me, certain things have directly affected my family and we have expressed our opinions. We have counseled through things together. I do have a conservative view of things. My point being…silence is not acceptance.
So, I am working on making my silence a little more vocal. Not to be mean but, to let people know they aren’t playing me any more. No more will I be a party to being silent in the face of things I don’t agree with. I can state my opinions and offending people. 🙂 That is my goal.