trials

Step into the light

December 10, 2017 by Cayce Leave a Comment

A friend made a comment a couple of weeks ago about how we are attracted to light.

I have been pondering over this thought since she said it.

Light, light, light. I see it all around me.

Light is hope, light is security and light is within us.

I seek out the light like an insect does. I am drawn to it. Whether it is in the sky, in a person or in the lights that dot the nighttime around our neighborhood. I have always loved Christmas Lights. What is not to love right? Especially when they are blanketed with snow. But, I have drawn to them for a different purpose this year…they are light.

This year I am pondering the Light of Christ. I am again drawn to the Light He provides. Too often I feel darkness encroaching upon my life. I am overwhelmed with children’s choices. I am drained by the filth all around. I get caught up in what is going wrong rather than right.

My heart and mind are often deceived by feelings of inadequacy and non existent self esteem. I often struggle to pull myself out of the black tar of injustice, depression, anger and perceived hurt. Sometimes, I feel there is nothing I am doing right or good enough. I feel like I am drowning in darkness.

Then, I know I am going to make it through when I see or feel a small glimmer of light. Too often we don’t allow ourselves the time we need to seek out that light.

The Light of Christ is always within us but we do have to work to feel and see it.

The adversary loves to distract us from our goal of having the light with us constantly. We are consistently bombarded with things that detract from the goodness of the Lord.

When we do things that push us forward into the Light we have less cause for despair, anger and hurt. We instead are able to be focused and centered on that which is most important.

This is why we are drawn to the Light of those around us and the physical lights that help us to find our way in the darkness. If we continue to allow the small glimpses of Light to guide us, we will be able to enjoy more and more of the Light of Christ.

Regardless of religion, we all deserve to have light with us to guide us through the trials and hardships of life.

Where and how to you seek light?

You are doing better than you think

September 10, 2017 by Cayce Leave a Comment

Hey friends. I hope you know that you are doing better than you think.

You are amazing.

You are the person the people around you need. They don’t need me, they need you. They need your wisdom, your strength, your personality and your life experiences.

It is so interesting how we think other people have it better or easier than we do. The fact is, they don’t. They have it differently than you do.

We all have trials, we all have struggles, we all have something that is hard for us.

The trial is what makes us grow. It is what helps us to improve ourselves and our situation.

If things went well all the time, we wouldn’t progress in the way we need.

My life has been challenging. Some days I am excruciatingly exhausted. Some days I wonder if I am capable of handling all the pressure. Some days I wonder if I am good enough, strong enough and just enough.

I am and so are you. Slow progress is still progress.

I am enough.

I am doing better than I think I am.

Remember you are needed for what you can contribute to the people around you.

Not only are you enough, you are worth your best effort.

Smile. Find joy. Be grateful. Serve. Endure it well. You will have rest and you will be rewarded one day.

Have a wonderful week.

A mother’s heart

July 2, 2017 by Cayce Leave a Comment

I have often thought of all a parent has to do. Since I am not a father…I am only going to comment on the mother side of things.

There is a depth of emotional commitment that is soul wrenching. Now, I would like to up this level of commitment a notch and talk about adopting children from foster care.

I am proud to be able to take children who need a home. I am grateful that my husband and I have been united in parenting children who needed our family.

We agreed to help children. We agreed to comfort children. We agreed to love, nurture and support families as they struggle through their trials.

What we didn’t agree to all of the baggage that comes with having these beautiful children in our lives. Some of the trials we have faced with these children have been gut wrenchingly hard. They have started with feelings of abandonment. They have continued with fear, anger and questions. Questions like…”what am I not good enough for my (insert birth parents name)?” “what did I do wrong?” “Why couldn’t they love me enough?”

Think about that for a second. How do you ever “get over” feelings like this? How can you (as a parent) ever make this right for them?

Well, many people will tell you to just love them. Just love the mess out of them and it will work out. I don’t mean to burst any bubbles but you are so wrong. Loving these children is the easy part. Dealing with their baggage is the hard part.

Now, I am going to continue on with some of there baggage. This list is not everything we face and endure but it is some of it:

running away
fighting
sexual reactivity
perpetrating on others
stealing (money, clothes, anything you have that they may want)
hoarding (clothes, FOOD, trash…you name it)
Urinating but not in the bathroom
issues with feces and yeah…I am sure you get the idea
lying
agressivness
ANGER
rebellion
ADD/ADHD
mental health issues
drug / alcohol related brain injuries
secondary trauma
reactive attachment disorder (oh man, this one is huge. look it up)

These are a handful of issues that we have dealt with multiple children some at the same time. If you think only love will fix this I have a house full of children you can come and try your strategy on. 🙂

These issues take time. They take repetition. They take therapy. They take love, compassion, and clear rules and boundaries. They take work.

But, you know what? Everyone one of these children are worth it and more. Each one of them have infinite worth and value. They deserve the very best life has to offer.

Some days, I have a hard time going from Step A to Step B. I forget what I have been taught. I react instead of respond. I can meet the needs of one or two kiddos but struggle to meet the needs of 17+ people.

Keep in mind, we also have full time jobs outside of the home.

Now, do I tell you this to try and gain your pity? NO WAY! (Although, a Go Fund OUR FAMILY would be nice sometimes) Haha

I tell you this to let you know we have chosen to open our hearts and home to those who need us. But more importantly, we need them. We need them to teach us about another aspect of life. We need them to show us the amount of strength it takes to do more than just survive this life. We need them to teach us how to grow and learn. We need them just as much as they need us.

That is the same for all children. We need them to show us the joy in life. To remind us of the simple pleasures. I will never forget the first time I got genuine smile from each of my children. Whether I gave birth to them or not. That moment is imprinted on my heart. These are the moments I fight for as a mom.

I fight for my children to experience true unadu

lterated joy. I fight for them to see that can be successful. I fight for them to realize they have infinite worth and value. I fight for them to see they can be loved by many people. I fight for them to know they always have a home here, anytime.

A mother’s role is divine. A mother’s love is unique. It is amazing how I can still love children that constantly berate me, “hate” me and push me away. But I do. I do love them. I listen to them and I hurt for them.

I also hurt for me sometimes.

Why do I do it, you may ask yourself. Why would someone put themselves through this kind of pain and angst over and over again?

Because I have realized that Heavenly Father never gives up on me. He is always there for me. This is crucial as I realize He recognizes the importance of being a parent. He is the ultimate parent. I want to strive to be like Him.

So, I do my best to fight a good fight. I do my best to be the parent I need to be. That doesn’t always happen. I am not always my best but I strive to be each and every day. I am confident that I have always done my very best.

It is a crazy road we each take to get where we need to be. It is hard to be molded into who He needs us to be. But I am willing. I am willing to give it my all

and help as many children as need me. I am willing to be molded and shaped to become a strong mother in Zion.

A mother’ heart is deep and vast. It is meant to give love unconditionally over and over and over again. I am so glad to be a mother to so many beautiful children

who had some rough challenges in their early developmental years. I ache of them to feel that divine love that is available to all of us through the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I look forward to the day that they are received in His arms and all of their past hurts, trials and struggles are gone.

Meanwhile, I will keep holding them tight. I will try my best to support them. I will love them through their tears. I will be the mom they need.

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