I have had an amazing and devastating week.
To start, my sweet friend Anne and her 2 granddaughters, were in a car accident. an impaired driver ran a red light. Anne passed away on Sunday (the day of the accident) and 8 year old Emily succumbed to her injuries Thursday morning of the same week.
Tuesday, was my last day teaching my kinders.
Wednesday was the graduation of 3 of my sons, Jonathan, Andrew and Nathan.
Thursday,we found out Emily had gone to live with her Heavenly Father.
Thursday was also my last day at school.
My emotions were all over the map. I was elated, crying, shocked, happy, sad, in disbelief, amazed, proud, overwhelmed and grief stricken. I was joking that my brain did not know how to process all of the emotions I was feeling. I would use randomly start crying. It was a rough week emotionally.
Now, I have had a little time to process a bit. It has been almost a week ago that everything happened. I still have all of those emotions but they have evolved.
I am still in shock and disbelief. We will be traveling to the funeral this week. I am flooded with memories. Some of my boys as young kiddos. Some of Emily from the time she was born until now. The times I talked to Anne and received her comfort, support and understanding.
I have even had some unbelievably selfish thoughts. One of which is…”How will I feel about finding joy at Disneyland again?” “Will I be able to laugh and not feel bad that my sweet girl is not there?” I am sure I will have a few thoughts like this but overtime, the sadness will be replaced with joy for having these precious people in my life for the time I did.
Dr Suess has a wonderful quote,”Don’t cry because it is over. Smile because it happened.”
My next thoughts have led me to better myself. When my time or when one of my children’s or spouse comes. Where do I want to be? Spiritually, Mentally, Physically? I have made some significant changes in my life lately. It has been a wonderfully eye opening experience. I have felt so strengthened and uplifted by what has transpired the past week. I have decided that I have been lazy in my approach to what I have been taught and shown. I am determined to continue the journey which I am on.
My 3 boys…
One son already moved out and the other 2 will follow later this summer. While I will joke about finally having some space empty in my home, I will miss each of those boys. I am grateful to be their mom. While we have had some struggles I realize, there is nothing more important than my family.
Now, as I am writing I am beginning to cry again. I realized I haven’t really addressed all of my feelings about losing these 2 remarkable people. But, I guess that is how grief works. I will be okay and then a thought occurs and I will be sad for a time. Then I will be surprised that I am smiling.Only to then feel somewhat guilty for doing so. Yuck!
Out of the many lessons I have learned this week, this is the most amazing one. I have been reminded of the Lord’s plan for us. I have been reminded the Plan of salvation is true. I have been reminded of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know the Book of Mormon is true. I know I am lead by a living prophet on this Earth. (You should have seen the broadcast on Sunday!) I know that families are eternal when blessed through the proper priesthood authority. I know the Temple is the House of the Lord. How do I know? Because I asked. then, I asked again and again. When I doubted, I asked again. I know that I belong to the true and living Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I look forward to the day I will see miss E and Anne again as well as all of my family and friends that have gone before me.
“God Be With Us till we Meet Again.”
picture: Kelli, Josh and Emily with our family