Welcome to my new favorite book. I have had this book since it was released. I was able to go to a symposium, hosted by the Utah Foster Care Foundation, and listen to Dr Tina Bryson talk about No Drama Discipline. She was brilliant and very down to earth as she talked about parenting successes and failures. I really enjoyed her lecture style and the points she made. She wasn’t there to tell us parenting is easy or perfect if you follow her guideline. She was there to let us know tips to try, She explained brain development and what works for the brain.
In a simplified (extremely simple) version, we need to drop down lower than our children ( not eye level). We then need to touch them and connect with them. We will be able to visibly see them relax. When they are relaxed and can process, then we are able to explain what they did wrong. She described red zones and green zones. Red being very upset or withdrawn and green being every thing is okay. She explained while in a red zone we are not able to process and we just get more upset.
So the experiment happened. I tried it out at home. I was anxious to see if this method worked. Here’s the thing, I have a lot of kids ( a lot of them the same ages) and I have found great methods to use but never anything that worked on multiple children. I mean all of the workshops that are presented are modeled and designed for people with 3 or less children. I am positive that few people understand the pressures and the sheer volume of “problems” associated with a LARGE family. I wish I could share with you everything that went on in a day here. Basically, think about your day with your kids and multiply that by about 6 (depending on the number of kids you have).
Anyway, I tried it and told a teacher friend about it. She tried it too. Guess what we both reported? It works!! It doesn’t take long either. Less than 3 minutes (on average).
The problem: well, of course I ran into a problem. Want to guess what it was? Me! Really, time for pure truth…I really struggled being calm and “nice” for lack of a better word. I am not mean but I realized raising my voice is so much easier. Less effective but easier. I was emotionally drained after being calm. Weird right? Well, again it is a brain thing. My neurons are used to traveling a familiar path. While I build new pathways, it is going to seem hard until it becomes used to following the new path. Brains are amazing!!
So, while I don’t parent perfectly (I know shocker , right?) I do know this works. I am so excited to learn and read more.
Read it with me. Let’s talk about what works for you. We can do this. It won’t be easy but we can be better people through hard work and effort.