I have always had a love, dislike relationship with Sundays.
This has evolved over numerous years and some not so pleasant experiences.
Well, today after 20+ years of attending church every Sunday (barring illness) it finally hit me.
Sunday is a wonderful slow down day for me. We generally don’t watch TV. We don’t do shopping or errands. We spend time together and attend church together. We have everyone home for dinner. We eat together, some days we play games together. We laugh and joke. We enjoy and relax.
What a great day to take the opportunity to reflect on my week and make plans for the upcoming week. I was listening to the lesson today about finding joy during our trials. A wonderful woman brought up that joy is different from happiness. She went on to say why. I was astounded that I hadn’t thought if it like that before. Joy is an eternal principle. Knowing there is more ahead and trials are opportunity to mold us into the people He needs us to be. happiness takes work. Happiness is in our day to day lives. How we respond, smile etc.. it doesn’t always come naturally. However joy is different. You can have joy in your life amidst trials.
SO this made me reflect on something i have been struggling with lately. Rather than let this problem consume me any more, I started talking about it. I also started praying more and with more intent. It is working. There are still problems they haven’t miraculously gone away but the joy I feel from know my Heavenly Father knows and loves me helps me to hand some of that burden to Him.
Now, I have debated on whether I should say anything but, I decided I am going to. Sometimes, when I put things on my blog, I am able to let them go. So, I have been struggling with motherhood lately. This is not to say I don’t love my kiddos and my life. I have been struggling for many months with having the energy, mental ability, desire to be the kind of mom I was in my 20’s and 30’s. It seems like in the last 2 years, I been overwhelmed more and therefore less happy. I have looked forward to going places so I could avoid some of the chaos that occasionally exists in my home.
Anyway, as I have been praying more, I have realized I have been trying to do so much on my own. I have not been allowing Heavenly Father to help me. During my prayer time, I have been asking for help as well as strength. You know what? he has been giving it to me.
Today, as I have reflected on my week, I have realized my happiness is making a comeback. I am not perfect and for every good feeling I have I know there have been many bad ones. I have still been grumpy and overwhelmed but, I am making the change slowly but surely.
I want to want to be home with my family. I want to look forward to the cuddles and opportunities I have to be their mom.
How grateful I am for the relaxing Sunday that is different from every other day of the week. I am grateful for a day that feels like time is slowed down and extended. I am grateful for the chance I have to reflect and regroup. I am a better person because of it.
This picture hangs on my wall. I love everything about it but mostly i love the joy, I feel as I look at it. I feel an overwhelming amount of love. I feel something beyond happiness. I feel contentment, peace and joy. I picture the love He has for me. He has held me and He KNOWS me, He also knows you.
While my trial may seem small to you, it has made me feel incomplete and ask what is wrong with me. I now know that I will continue to rely on Him who heals me. I will give to Him what I feel I can’t bear. He will hold me, cradle me and reassure me that I am becoming who He needs me to be.
I love Sunday and the joy I feel.