Those with meek and gentle children are enrolled in parenting 101. Those with children who push the limits of our patience are enrolled in parenting 505. “Consider the more challenging child as a blessing. Could it be possible that you need this child as much as he needs you? Be careful to not say things that imply that their behavior is who they are. They are God’s children. That is their eternal identity and potential. Bad behavior is an act, not identity.” Elder Lynn G. Robins, April 2011 General Conference
I just listened to this talk and am convinced I am enrolled in parenting 505. or maybe 1000. We all have our challenges and trials. I am so thankful for my blessings and for my bedlamites. 
We all struggle. There is nothing wrong in having challenges in our lives. We are a little slow to acknowledge those challenges. We would rather tell everyone the good that is going on in our lives. the problem with this can be, people will only see the good and assume that no one has challenges, struggles and trials like they do. We are creating a false sense of identity. When I read of the things people accomplish, I think about all the things that went wrong in my day and why can’t I be more productive like they were.
I am not saying we need to be a negative, whiny, crying people. I am suggesting that without the bad how can we appreciate and celebrate the good?
I have several children that suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder. They have challenges from life like being “torn” from their birth families. They have been affected by trauma, abuse, in utero drug abuse, alcohol abuse and various other issues.
If I don’t tell people how hard some days are, how can they appreciate when I have a good day? If I don’t acknowledge the bad days, how can I appreciate the good days?
While I may describe my family honestly, it is important for the rest of us to not judge. It is important to not wonder if I am a good parent or not. It is important to support, empathize but not critique or criticize. The fact is, my children get to make their own choices about their behavior. I can lead and guide (and sometimes I mess that up) but ultimately it is their choice based on some other factor besides me.
I love my children. I love my family. I struggle. I complain. I get overwhelmed. I am tired (been up since 3ish a.m. this morning). I am overworked. However in spite of all of that, I had the best day yesterday. Only one of my children were missing from dinner yesterday. There was laughter, teasing, joking and pure fun at our house. I wouldn’t trade those moments of heaven for anything. I can’t appreciate the good if I don’t live through the bad.
Evaluate where you are. Think about your trials, struggles and joys. Move forward. Move ahead and STRIVE to be better. That is all we can really do….STRIVE.
So, pull yourself up, smile and enjoy the life that Heavenly Father has blessed you with. You can do this and you are not in this alone.
A beautiful reminder! Thanks! (But I’m still fairly certain that you are Super Woman….) Love and miss you!
Thanks kelli! I sure wish I was Superwoman but, it is okay being the best I can. You are so nice and I miss you too. We will definitely be there in February for a week and then we are trying to put together a quick weekday trip with the Wrights and Whitakers without kiddos. 🙂 xoxox
Thankyou Casey! I love and agree with you on being honest about both sides. One thing I learned on my mission from the Germans is how important it is to be honest in all things (sometimes I got a little tmi:). I feel we are taught in our culture that when someone asks, “How are you doing?” That we reply “Oh just fine”, or ” I’m doing great!” (Quite often in the church too, because you have to be positive and not complain). I’m not saying that everyone should always have to divulge all details about their day to every person, but I definitely appreciate honesty. It can be hard for someone to admit to another person, even a friend that they’ve had a bad day. I always try to acknowledge the fact that they opened up and tell them thanks for being honest and that I don’t think anything less of them for admitting that not everything is fine and dandy in life. I think it is admirable of some people who van truly be positive even in hard times, but it’s OK to let others into your life by admitting that some days are just plain hard. After I had one of my babies their was this lady at church who would always comment on how well rested I seemed at church. I was in no means trying to cover anything up, I wasn’t trying to give that impression. After I heard her make that comment a few times, I finally said, thanks for your kindness, but to be honest I haven’t been getting much sleep at all (and I still haven’t almost 4 years later) and that things had been really hard lately. She said, “Oh, I didn’t know that, and I didn’t mean to imply anything”. It’s good to be honest so that we can all help each other and better understand one another.
*so sorry that I spelled your name wrong!
Cousin Casey. Looking forward to your new blog. I’m about to become an empty nester, I do hope I survive that as well as I did raising 4 girls …. now 30, 28, 22, 18. I am also proud to call you family. The youngest of us all and your such an inspiration. Ty for doing what most can’t or won’t. God bless you everyday.
Well said, Cayce, like always! I am pretty blunt and honest about our family–and do my fair share of complaining, too! But they are awesome kids! I am blessed with a great family.
Thank you for this post! Many days I put on my ‘Smile’ armor and say, ‘today has been a great day. We are doing great!’ So what am I teaching my child if they are in earshot. They know how your day has been and maybe they are the source of your not so good day. But when we say we are great, they see either that we are lying or that we are fine with that behavior and they can continue it.
I will watch how I decide to tell people how my day is going. I will not be so quick to put on my armor but will also not require the use of a Wamblance! Thank for your great post.